Have you had a lapse?
Sometimes, people take a few attempts to change their gambling. After a lapse or a slip, it can feel like hard work to get back on track.
“I couldn’t believe I’d done it again. After all my hard work, going to counselling, managing my money and keeping a diary of my recovery, I felt like I was right back at square one”. — Pia
It can be discouraging when you have a setback, especially when you’ve been working hard to change your gambling. But a lapse doesn’t mean that you’re back at square one, or that all the progress you’ve worked so hard for is for nothing. Instead, a lapse can be a valuable opportunity to help you learn what to do differently in the future so that you can continue to make progress. This means that quitting or cutting back gets easier each time you try. The journey may not be a straight line, but as long as you keep trying, you’re moving in the right direction.
“Relapse is part of recovery. It’s certainly not a failure. It’s that willingness to make mistakes and the critical thing is to have the courage and resilience to get up and keep on going.” — Dan Lubman, Executive Clinical Director, Turning Point.
Has your family member or friend had a lapse?
Sometimes, people take a few attempts to change their gambling. After a lapse or a slip, it can feel like hard work to get back on track.
It can be tough to see your family member or friend struggle with their gambling, especially when there are setbacks along the way. However, it’s important to remember that a lapse doesn’t mean that they’re back at square one or that all the progress they’ve worked so hard for is for nothing. Instead, a lapse can be a valuable opportunity to help them learn what they can do differently in the future so that they can keep making progress. This means that quitting or cutting back gets easier each time they try. The journey may not be a straight line, but as long as they keep trying, they are moving in the right direction.
“Relapse is part of recovery. It’s certainly not a failure. It’s that willingness to make mistakes and the critical thing is to have the courage and resilience to get up and keep on going.” — Dan Lubman, Executive Clinical Director, Turning Point.
As their family member or friend, you can be a valuable source of support during these setbacks. By working together, you can help them identify what went wrong and brainstorm ways to prevent lapses in the future. You can also encourage them to find professional support if they feel comfortable with it. With your support and encouragement, your family member or friend can continue moving forward.
Has someone had a lapse?
Sometimes, people take a few attempts to change their gambling. After a lapse or a slip, it can feel like hard work to get back on track.
If you’re working with someone who has had a setback along the way, it’s important to remind them that a lapse doesn’t mean that they’re back at square one or that all the progress they’ve worked so hard for is for nothing. Instead, a lapse can be a valuable opportunity to help them learn what they can do differently in the future so that they can keep making progress. This means that quitting or cutting back gets easier each time they try. The journey may not be a straight line, but as long as they keep trying, they are moving in the right direction.
“Relapse is part of recovery. It’s certainly not a failure. It’s that willingness to make mistakes and the critical thing is to have the courage and resilience to get up and keep on going.” — Dan Lubman, Executive Clinical Director, Turning Point.
As a professional, you may be in a position to support them during these setbacks. By working together, you can help them to identify what went wrong and what strategies could be helpful to prevent lapses in the future. You can also encourage them to find professional support if they feel comfortable with it. With your guidance and support, they can continue moving forward.
What can people learn from lapses or relapse?
People can learn a lot from lapses or relapse during their recovery. If someone has a lapse or a relapse, they have more knowledge and experience to help them keep moving forward. Lapses and relapses can provide valuable information about which situations are most likely to lead them to gamble, which ways of coping work best for them, and what kind of support they need to stay on track. It can also give them the opportunity to reflect on the harms that can be caused by gambling. They can use this information to motivate themselves to recommit to change and adjust their plans to say on track. Learning from setbacks can help them become stronger the next time they have the urge to gamble. Lapses can also help them learn about resilience and the importance of not giving up when things are difficult. If they can learn from their lapse and keep working towards their goals, they can feel more confident in their ability to overcome challenges and stay on the path to recovery in the long-term.
How can people bounce back after a lapse?
When someone has had a lapse, they can bounce back by using it as a learning experience. They can prevent the lapse from becoming a relapse by reflecting on what happened and making a plan for how they can handle things differently next time.
After a lapse, it’s important to stop for a moment and reflect. It’s good to take the time to think so that the lapse doesn’t turn into a relapse. This means acknowledging that the lapse happened, but not blowing it out of proportion. Instead, seeing the lapse as an opportunity to learn can help people get back on track towards their goals.
After a lapse, one of the most important things for to do is to reflect on the situation that might have triggered the gambling. Certain high-risk situations can trigger the urge to gamble, even if it wasn’t planned. This is because, over time, the person’s brain associates specific situations with gambling, resulting in an urge to gamble every time they find themselves in a similar situation. The more often they gamble in response to this urge, the stronger, faster, and more automatic this pathway in the brain becomes. Even if they haven’t gambled in a while, these situations can still trigger the urge to gamble. See Gambling Triggers to help identify and manage some common high-risk situations.
It’s also important for people to identify whether they made any seemingly irrelevant decisions in the lead up to the lapse. These small everyday decisions can bring a person closer to a high-risk situation which may tempt them to gamble. These decisions can ‘set up’ people for unplanned gambling episodes. Many are easy to see, such as choosing to have lunch at a gaming venue or visiting a friend who gambles. Some are more subtle, like creating a lot of stress in our lives that makes us more likely to want to escape by gambling.
When someone has an urge to gamble, they may have unhelpful thoughts that can increase the strength and duration of the urge. Typically, the urge starts at a low level of intensity, with thoughts that are not directly related to gambling but rather to a high-risk situation, such as “It’s been such a long day, I need a break”. As the urge intensifies, their thoughts may shift to the possibility of gambling, such as “Maybe I could just pop in for a couple of minutes”. Then, they may start to justify gambling, with thoughts such as “I deserve it. I’ll only spend $50”. They may go back and forth with themselves for some time before eventually giving themselves permission to gamble “just this once”. To prevent the urge to gamble from becoming stronger, people can recognise and change these unhelpful thoughts. They can remind themselves that the urge will subside eventually, consider the harmful effects of gambling, or the benefits of not gambling. This technique may require practice, but it can be a useful approach. See our self-help information on Changing Thoughts and Beliefs.
It’s common for people to have all-or-nothing thinking after a lapse, with thoughts like “I’ve blown it” or “I’ll never be able to stop”. This pattern of thinking, which is called the absolute willpower breakdown, involves people feeling like they either have complete control or no control over their gambling. For example, if someone lapses, they may think that this one gambling episode means they have completely lost control. This sort of thinking is unhelpful as it often leads to more and more gambling. Instead, people can try to shift their thoughts to something like “I’ve had a slip, but I can get back on track”, “I can learn from this and get back on course”, or “This slip doesn’t take anything away from all the positive changes I’ve made”.
People who have good ways to cope with high-risk situation feel more confident and are less likely to lapse. This is why it’s important to look at what went wrong and think about what they could do differently next time they are in a similar situation or if they have an urge to gamble. Brainstorming and coming up with a plan can help to prepare them and more confident to manage this high-risk situation in the future.
When people experience a lapse, it’s generally not helpful for them to be too hard on themselves. Feeling ashamed, guilty, or embarrassed can increase the risk of relapse or make a relapse even worse. Instead, it’s best to be compassionate to oneself, take each day as it comes, and focus on sticking to daily goals.
Supportive family members and friends can help people bounce back from a lapse by providing encouragement and support. Seeking support from a professional gambling counsellor can also help by providing strategies to prevent lapses from turning into relapses.
“I had been trying to stay away for several months, but relapsed after a particularly bad week at work. Because I’d blown so much, my wife asked me to leave and so I stayed with my brother for a week or so. Although I was devastated, it was helpful to talk to him about what had happened and he got me ready to get help. I started seeing my gambling for what it was – an escape from the stresses of work and family life. I developed some good strategies and now manage my stress in a much healthier way.” - Todd
What’s important is to stay positive and realise you’re on a journey that can have ups and downs, but that you’re still on the right path. Be kind to yourself, take what you can from the experience, and continue making positive changes.
You don’t have to do it alone. You can always reach out for a little extra support. We’re here to help.
Do you want more help?
For help with bouncing back from a lapse, you can start an online chat with us or call the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858 – free, confidential, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. These services are available to support anyone affected by gambling harm, including family members or friends.
What’s important is for you and your friend or family member to stay positive and realise they’re on a journey that can have ups and downs but that they’re still on the right path. Encourage them to be kind to themselves, take what they can from the experience, and continue making positive changes.
They don’t have to do it alone. They can always reach out for a little extra support. We’re here to help.
Do you want more help?
For help with bouncing back from a lapse, you or your family member or friend can start an online chat with us or call the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858 – free, confidential, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
These services are available to support anyone affected by gambling harm, including family members or friends like you. It’s not only the person who gambles that can be affected, but the people close to them too. It’s important to take care of yourself when you’re supporting someone else. Check out the family and friends section in our peer support community to connect with people who understand.
What’s important is for the person you’re working with to stay positive and realise they’re on a journey that can have ups and downs, but that they’re still on the right path. Encourage them to be kind to themselves, take what they can from the experience, and continue making positive changes.
They don’t have to do it alone. They can always reach out for a little extra support. We’re here to help.
Do you want more help?
For help bouncing back from a lapse, you or the person you’re working with can start an online chat with us or call the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858 – free, confidential, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
These services are available to support anyone affected by gambling harm, including family members, friends, and professionals like you. It can be hard for professionals to support people with gambling issues. To learn more about how you can help, go to our section on How Professionals Can Help.
