Repairing relationships from gambling harm

Recovery takes time and there may be setbacks and challenges along the way. It's important to remain positive and hopeful but also be realistic and acknowledge that lapses and even a return to previous levels of gambling can happen. You can set realistic expectations for recovery by educating yourself about gambling and recovery. It can help to try to understand how people pass through different stages as they try to change, as well as the likelihood of urges and relapse. See our information on Stages of Change, Understanding Urges and Managing Lapses and Relapse.

Trust is very important in any relationship, and it takes work to build. Communication, commitment, and honesty are important to rebuilding trust. Trust can be rebuilt over time by talking openly and honestly with each other, sticking to promises and working towards the same goals. As it can be hard to know how much control they have over their gambling, it’s important to encourage them to show they can be open and honest about money. You can set some ground rules about how they can rebuild trust through full disclosure and transparency about finances. Some people create a joint financial plan and stick to it together. Some people also make sure that both partners have access to their shared bank accounts so they can keep track of what’s happening. Over time, you can adjust your ground rules as necessary. It’s also important for you to look for things you can still trust them with.

It’s important to spend as much quality time together as you can. One way to do this is to find activities that you like to do together. This can give them something to look forward to and think about other than gambling. Take the time to have fun together, away from any talk about gambling. 

It might feel challenging at first, but it can help to take some time to reconnect with their positive qualities. As you notice these again, your anger or frustration may start to ease, and you might find it easier to feel more hopeful. 

It can be hard to build a positive and healthy relationship when you’re carrying anger or resentment. Taking time to recognise what’s happened in the past and shifting your focus to what can change in the future can support you both as you rebuild your relationship. Some people find it helpful to talk together about how to move forward. This might include agreeing on how to talk about past events, so they don’t keep coming up, giving you both a fresh start. 

Effective communication is an important part of rebuilding relationships. Sharing your needs in a calm and honest way, while also listening to theirs, can help rebuild trust, ease stress and support a more positive relationship. 

It takes time to rebuild a relationship. Being patient and understanding with the other person can make the process easier. It can also help to be empathetic and see things from their perspective.

Seeking professional support can be useful when repairing relationships. A relationship or gambling counsellor can help you build new communication skills and support you as you rebuild your relationship.